Perhaps you don't ask yourself such questions, but I find myself pondering the nature of esoteric programming languages. I wonder what makes a programming language esoteric. I wonder whether there is a benchmark by which we can know such a thing. Does a mention on Lambda-The-Ultimate secure the status of esoteric? How many users can an esoteric programming language have before it is no longer esoteric? How many books can be written about it before it takes on the veneer of being mainstream? I don't think anyone knows. I certainly don't know. I need to arrive at a definition of esoteric programming languages.

How does one begin deriving a definition for such things? Perhaps I could start by saying that esoteric programming languages are those which are not mainstream? That sounds nice, but then, at the top end, how do I define mainstream and at the bottom end, how do I differentiate between experimental programming languages and esoteric programming languages? A tricky conundrum.

At the bottom end of the scale, how many users does an experimental programming language need to graduate to esoteric? On the other hand, does it get any more esoteric than a programming language with exactly one user and that being the language designer and implementor? I suspect not.

For mainstream languages, how do we determine the transition point? When does an esoteric programming language become mainstream? Does the number of users or downloads count? Does making it onto the TIOBE top twenty most popular languages list prompt the change? Is it all a huge conspiracy by the few remaining print publications of what used to be known as the computer press? These questions are hard to answer.

We've all heard the classic descriptions of different perspectives of a glass of water:

• The optimist sees the glass as half full.
• The pessimist sees the glass as half empty.

But then I got to wondering how many other perspectives I could come up with. Let's see how I do:

• The engineer sees that the glass is currently 50% underutilized.
• The capacity planner is pleased that we have 100% extra capacity available.
• The website capacity planner is worried that 100% extra capacity is not nearly enough.
• The project manager is absolutely certain that the glass will be 100% full by the project completion date.
• The computer programmers know that the 50% measurement was a lucky break on a day that the glass decided not to leak or spill.
• The politician assures everyone that he is completely in favor of new legislation recognizing half-full as a valid lifestyle.
• The libertarian sees government interference as the biggest problem facing the glass of water.
• The liberal declares that it's inhumane to deprive the glass of water of a government paid fill up.
• The conservative waits for a hot, sunny day, places a price tag on the glass of water and sells it for a substantial profit.
• The United Nations writes a strongly worded memo declaring that glasses of water everywhere should be free.
• Greenpeace declares that the glass of water is one of a kind and that henceforth they will be protecting it against evil capitalist water hunters.
• The CEO assures his shareholders that the glass is cutting-edge human re-hydration equipment and that successful deployment will have a positive effect on the company's share price.