January 18, 2014

A Glass Of Water

We've all heard the classic descriptions of different perspectives of a glass of water:

  • The optimist sees the glass as half full.
  • The pessimist sees the glass as half empty.

But then I got to wondering how many other perspectives I could come up with. Let's see how I do:

  • The engineer sees that the glass is currently 50% underutilized.
  • The capacity planner is pleased that we have 100% extra capacity available.
  • The website capacity planner is worried that 100% extra capacity is not nearly enough.
  • The project manager is absolutely certain that the glass will be 100% full by the project completion date.
  • The computer programmers know that the 50% measurement was a lucky break on a day that the glass decided not to leak or spill.
  • The politician assures everyone that he is completely in favor of new legislation recognizing half-full as a valid lifestyle.
  • The libertarian sees government interference as the biggest problem facing the glass of water.
  • The liberal declares that it's inhumane to deprive the glass of water of a government paid fill up.
  • The conservative waits for a hot, sunny day, places a price tag on the glass of water and sells it for a substantial profit.
  • The United Nations writes a strongly worded memo declaring that glasses of water everywhere should be free.
  • Greenpeace declares that the glass of water is one of a kind and that henceforth they will be protecting it against evil capitalist water hunters.
  • The CEO assures his shareholders that the glass is cutting-edge human re-hydration equipment and that successful deployment will have a positive effect on the company's share price.

And finally, we have to end with this one:

  • The pragmatist says "I'm thirsty" and drinks the water.
Tags: Humor